Saturday, October 11, 2014

Divorce…. Yep, we're going there.

I've always tried to keep it somewhat real on the bloggy and I've had numerous questions here and there for quite some time pertaining to where the baby daddy has been.     Some of you know, some of you clearly don't, but we're divorced.  

But we're all okay.   I've had this post typed up for quite awhile but never felt quite right hitting the"publish" button.    These days, it feels okay.

Lucky for me, I've got a great ex husband who is an amazing dad and still a huge support person in my life.    And really, he always will be.   This I know for sure.   Just like any other divorced couple, we've had our hard times, but at the end of the day, we still always have each others backs.    And in all honesty, that's why I think our kids have done so darn well in the grand scheme of things.  

Not that I wish divorce on anyone but the bottom line is…positives do come.

1.  You learn survival skills.  You figure things out without consulting anyone else.  Ya just do.   And that's a really empowering thing.   

2.  You learn quickly who your real friends are, which is actually a great thing.    Your real friends check in on you with phone calls and texts on the regular.  The others think divorce is contagious and disappear.    Hold those real friends tight and don't be bitter towards the disappearing friends.   We never know what can happen in this life and someday the disappearing friends may unfortunately be in your shoes and the good thing is, you'll know exactly how to support them.    And they'll love you for that.  

3.  Time for self reflection and self healing.  Again, an empowering thing.   You've got time to reflect on you,  what went wrong, how to become better, and basically figure out what makes you happy.

4.  You somehow become a better parent.   When you share parenting and see your kiddos 50% of the time, when you have them…it's on.  Like DK.   You're focused and somehow more laid back and somehow more productive and well…everyone has a little bit more fun.    A positive that I never expected.

5.   It's not all sunshine and roses but it's kind of nice having a house to yourself on occasion.    Not gonna lie.  Old school rap blaring while doing chores makes the household stuff much more bearable.

6.   It gives you thick skin.     Let's face it, divorce comes with a stigma.   I used to really worry about what others thought about me in general, long before the divorce.    However, at the end of the day, it's really none of my business what anyone else thinks of me, the baby daddy, or our situation.   It's just not.     And really, I just don't care.  

My homeboy, Joel Osteen, rocks when it comes to this.   His words on "Knowing What to Ignore" have resonated with me numerous times.   If you've got an extra 25 minutes.  Watch this.  You won't be sorry.  I promise.

7.  You form new bonds and friendships.     You connect with people who've experienced similar situations that you may have never crossed paths with.    Old high school and college friends who have gone through similar situations come out of the wood work.     It's a positive.   

8.  You don't have to hide your nut butter, you can freely crank your heat to 105,  you don't have NFL network on all day on Sundays, and you can eat a couple spoonfuls of peanut butter for dinner, straight from the jar.
Sorry baby daddy…I couldn't help myself!

But yes, to answer your Q's.  We're all doing okay.   It hasn't been all sunshine and roses but on a scale of 1-10, I'd put us at a solid 8.5 and to us, that's more than good enough.

See ya'll back here tomorrow and we'll lighten things up!  

Happy Saturday!


  1. Love it! I can't believe your Baby Daddy didn't like old school rap blasting. WTF??

    So glad to hear you are all well. Not that I thought for a minute you wouldn't be though!

  2. This post just confirms what a strong mama you are! I'm so sorry to hear things didn't work out with your ex-husband, but so happy to see you are in a much better place. I love your blog and how you keep it real :)